AITA : 'you ruined my birthday... AGAIN' : Instead of Planning a Birthday Party for Wife, Husband Taps Into Weaponized Incompetence & Pretends to Be Sick, Turmoil Ensues

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elina lee
Mar 16, 2023 1:00 PM EDT

If you're not familiar with the term already, weaponized incompetence is the art of pretending to be dumb and clueless, but doing it so well that it becomes a weapon in and of itself. It's the perfect way to deflect blame, avoid responsibility, and manipulate situations to your personal advantage. 

And guess what? We have just the story to perfectly illustrate weaponized incompetence in all its glory. We recently stumbled upon a woman who recently celebrated her birthday. What she thought would be one of the best and most special days of her life quickly became a day filled with regret, resentment, and broken hearts. We won't spoil too many of the details for you but what we will say is weaponized incompetence is hella dangerous and sneaky. You won't always see it coming, but it's definitely possible to see the signs. So have a read for yourself and take some notes on possible red flags to look out for. 

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  • 01
    Product - Posted by u/Stitch_and_Trex 14 hours ago AITA for telling my husband he ruined my birthday.... again
    via u/Stitch_and_Trex
  • 02
    Font - Background: Today is my 28th birthday, I am really into birthdays and holidays and believe in celebrating them to the max, and this is well known to everyone. I'm also the planner and the giver in not only my family (husband and kids) but my extended family (parents, siblings, friends, etc), so I'm the one that plans birthday get togethers, gifts, travel etc. I'm
    via u/Stitch_and_Trex
  • 03
    Font - also a SAHM due to having a son with complex medical and behavioral needs. I've been with him 24/7 for the last week as it's school break and he's extremely clingy and has behavioral problems due to mental illnesses. I also had a upper respiratory cold during this time, sore throat, fever, cough, runny nose, ear ache. But kept up with mom duties none the less.
    via u/Stitch_and_Trex

    "But kept up with mom duties none the less." 

    Funny how when a woman is sick she continues to do all her housework and chores yet when a man gets sick, he's suddenly dead… 

  • 04
    Font - My husband's birthday was last month and as usual I planned something for him. Weekend in a town a couple hours away for us and our kids.
    via u/Stitch_and_Trex
  • 05
    Font - For my birthday I tell him I just want help with the kids, the house cleaned, a nap, and him to cook supper or take me out. Maybe a homemade gift from the kids and a cake.
    via u/Stitch_and_Trex

    The fact that this is all she wanted for her bday speaks VOLUMES. She deserves so much better. 

  • 06
    Font - Yesterday, my husband starts complaining of a sore throat. I check his throat and looks fine. No fever or other symptoms. He stays up all night playing video games.
    via u/Stitch_and_Trex
  • 07
    Font - This morning he says he is sick, but has no visible symptoms. No fever, no cough, no runny nose, doesn't sound like someone with a cold. He says his throat hurts but spent an hour on XBox live talking just fine.
    via u/Stitch_and_Trex
  • 08
    Font - He naps all day because he says he's sick, I think it's because he stayed up until 4 a.m. playing video games. Meanwhile I make my own cake, take care of the kids as usual, and do my usual chores. He didn't even tell me happy birthday.
    via u/Stitch_and_Trex
  • 09
    Font - Finally I decided to take the cake I made with the kids to my parents house to have supper there so I didn't have to cook. I'm pretty crabby at this point and don't say a word before we leave. He calls and asks why we left. I tell him because he ruined my birthday yet again and I'm trying to salvage it at least a little and hung up. He called back and said I was overreacting. He's sick and I'm an adult, birthdays aren't a big deal anymore after 21.
    via u/Stitch_and_Trex
  • 10
    Human body - So AITA for wanting 1 day to be the receiver instead of the giver? To celebrate myself?
    via u/Stitch_and_Trex
  • 11
    Font - negativewaterslide 14 hr. ago Partassipant [2] NTA, he sounds inconsiderate and like he doesn't even like you
    via u/negativewaterslide
  • 12
    Font - Live-Platypus3378 12 hr. ago S ● Absolutely, and I think I have something else to add. There may be some people who say, "you don't know how sick he felt on the inside". I agree, he could have been miserable and needed to sleep, OP isn't a doctor... but none of that matters! I'm a guy, it would take an insane amount of pain for me to not put together something for my partner.
    via u/Live-Platypus3378
  • 13
    Font - Especially if I knew it was important to her. It's like when you're exhausted and you stay up Christmas Eve to put together the presents so Santa can give your kids a magical day. You find the strength from within. Your wife gave birth, you can do this.
    via u/Live-Platypus3378
  • 14
    Font - TheRestForTheWicked 12 hr. ago. edited 11 hr. ago Certified Proctologist [24] Honestly he's also an adult. If you feel like you're getting sick (even if it's not visible) you take some NyQuil, get your ass to bed as a reasonable time and get some sleep and take a stupid amount of vitamin C the next morning. He KNEW he had ONE DAY out of 365 to not fuck things up for the sake of his partner and he let his own selfish wants take priority. He can let himself be sick tomorrow, but today shoul
    via u/TheRestForTheWicked
  • 15
    Font - odd_avokaydo - 11 hr. ago And even if he was TOO SICK that day he should have said "Happy birthday! I'm feeling awful today. I know it's your birthday and you deserve a break and I'd love to give you the gift you asked for, could I do that on x day once I feel better?" It's not that hard. He just doesn't care. NTA.
    via u/odd_avokaydo
  • 16
    Font - PampaManda_2021 · 11 hr. ago Partassipant [4] OP, he's not sick. I think you know this. It was weaponized incompetence so he didn't have to get of his butt and celebrate you. Makes me wonder if you get any help the rest of the year. Do what you will with the advice given here, but I wouldn't want to spend the rest of my life with such an AH.
    via u/PampaManda_2021
  • 17
    Font - pensbird91 10 hr. ago Considering the birthday present she asked for was "help with the kids," I'm guessing he never helps.
    via u/pensbird91

Tags

marriage dump him drama birthday relationships Man Child couples weaponized-incompetence
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